When trying to decide on a first post, my list of topics was long.  After all, I started a blog because I feel like I have a lot to contribute.  But after sitting down and going through my list of every topic that needs to be discussed in depth, one thing came clear.

You need context.

And so I’ve decided to start with a simple post about me and about things I struggle with.

What’s all this QT stuff?

I identify as queer, and I identify as transgender.  These words have many meanings that vary from person to person, and so I felt it’s a good place to start.

I won’t go into the minutiae of the queer movement.  While it’s a political movement that deserves its own post (and degree program, but at least you can start with a Wiki), I’m going to talk about it here as an identity, specifically my identity.  I grew up as “straight” because that’s just what “everyone is by default”.  But by the time I was a teenager, I knew that, while I “preferred men”, I’d never let anything stand in the way of being with that perfect person (although at the time, I believed you could only be with one person).  Now, I understand that things are much more complicated for me.

There are very specific things that I am attracted to, both physical and non-physical, and this combination of traits make up my sexual identity.  I haven’t yet found a word that describes my particular attraction, so I use queer.  To me, queer is an open opportunity, it allows others to ask “What does that mean?” or, more importantly, “What does that mean to you?”

You see, there are already words to describe homosexuality, heterosexuality, even attraction to maleness or femininity.  But when there isn’t a word to describe you, sometimes an ideology can help to bridge that gap.

I’m also transgender.  I’m not sure I ever really identified as female, but I was born female, so I figured that’s what I was.  I transitioned to a very male appearance, and often, for simplicity, present male.  But how do I feel?  Well, I don’t feel any gender.  To me, it’s difficult to understand “feeling” male or female.  I don’t fit the normal ideas that society seems to want to impose upon me now that it sees me as male.  Typically, I just say that I’m male or at least Female-to-Male transgender (FtM).  But to really understand me, you just need to know that those words just don’t hold meaning to me outside of gender roles that society allows to loom over our heads.

The bridge between Art & Science

Here’s another point that many people find confusing about me, although I know many others fit this description as well.  All of my life, I’ve loved art.  I went to university for Film & Television.  I draw and write regularly.  I grew up dancing, playing instruments, and singing.  The arts, to me, are the only reason I can do science.

To me, true creativity is what allows me to put puzzle pieces together to understand scientific ideas and to form new hypotheses.  It showed me ways to express dissent that I can feel comfortable with.

Science is a process that helps me to think critically about everything around me.  It helps me understand the universe and my tiny place within it.  Above all, science gives me a way to give back to the world, something that I’m good at that I can also use to help others.

This is who I am

As I dig into this blog, I hope that this post, as with my About page, offers some context.  I’ll be using personal stories and experiences to discuss topics and promote discussions.  I’ve worked hard to become who I am, and I’ll continue to work hard to become the best person I can be.  In the meantime, I hope you’ll tune in and enjoy the journey.

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